1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon
– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.
2. The Benchwarmer
-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.
3. The Sketchball
-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.
4. The Ramp Tramp
-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.
5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.
-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.
6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes
-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.
7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp
-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.
Related Posts
-
WE CHECKED OUT SOME BOOKS PENNED BY SKATERS
There’s a lot of bad skate books out there but our friend Matt recommended a few that passed his smell test.
-
BETTER OFF DEAD: BRANDS THAT SKATEBOARDING DIDN’T NEED TO COME BACK
"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."
-
A LOOK AT SOME OF THE SKETCHIEST SKATE VIDEO MOMENTS
A roundup of some of the hairy situations that can occur when you are constantly filming in the streets.
-
A COLLECTION OF SKATE PARTS THAT AGED WELL
Please save your comments about Anthony Pappalardo’s "Fully Flared" part for another list.
-
16 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT GINO IANNUCCI
"I actually did quit [skating] for a second. It was short lived, maybe a couple of months. It was ’89 or something like that."
-
ANCIENT SKATE SPOTS FOR YOUR NEXT SESSION
We can’t condone skating these historic pieces of architecture, but we also can’t say we would hate to see it go down.
-
A LOOK AT SOME OF SKATEBOARDING’S GREATEST DISPLAYS OF FILMING
We listed some of the most insane maneuvers that filmers have pulled off over the years.
-
THESE SKATE SHOE NERDS SHARE SOME OF THEIR RAREST KICKS
Read the backstories behind some distinctive early 2000s skate shoes you may have never seen before.
Comments
Popular
-
MY EXPERIENCES IN SKATEBOARDING
"I've been terrified of garnering the reputation of 'ramp-tramp' or 'pro-ho' just from spending time with skaters."
-
WHAT WOULD MAKE SKATERS DITCH THE BIG SHOE BRANDS?
We asked younger skaters how small shoe brands could win back their business from the big budget behemoths.
-
8 ARTISTS REIMAGINE THE INDEPENDENT LOGO
What would an Independent rebrand even look like?
-
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ILLEGAL CIV?
The Illegal Civ stuff feels like an ongoing soap opera, so to air out any confusion we talked to a few key characters.
-
A SERIOUS REVIEW OF MARK SUCIU’S SERIOUS “VERSO”
Verso asks that we pay it a kind of attention many of us automatically do not. Knowing this, we choose to either look more closely or let it pass before our eyes the way the rest of skating does.
May 6, 2013 1:09 pm
The skate parents…come on guys..
May 6, 2013 1:09 pm
exactly everyone of these at the skatepark at everytime of the day! go skate street…
November 25, 2013 8:34 am
nah street is gay as fuck bro
November 25, 2013 8:30 pm
Street is gay? You’re a fucking bitch.
January 18, 2014 2:24 pm
You gay nigga you actually number 7 fuck boy
October 10, 2014 1:18 pm
Street is gay. If the state I live in and currently pay taxes in wants to offer me perfect bowls and concrete plus no tickets for skating then that seems like a pretty fucking good deal to me. Vert started skating as a whole. You don’t even know who Shogo and Jay were. Fucking learn about what you participate in nerd
May 12, 2014 9:03 pm
Street skateing is gay…..WTF
May 25, 2014 1:21 pm
Wow, dumbest thing anyone could ever say, clearly you just sit on the benches…
June 3, 2014 8:35 am
And you’re all retarded for not reading his name and knowing that he’s just joking around to rile up cock-sucking scooter kids like yourselves.
May 28, 2016 8:19 am
Hahahah stupid
May 31, 2016 11:06 am
street skateboarding is true skateboarding u weenie
June 2, 2016 7:09 am
You can’t really call street shit, that’s where skateboarding was born you inbred moose
July 26, 2016 9:51 pm
If you a shitty skater. The streets are the best
May 6, 2013 1:33 pm
Hahahaha how do i share this!!?
June 1, 2016 4:51 pm
I can’t tell if you are on the internet or not at this point.
May 6, 2013 1:44 pm
skate parents can be lumped into #6.
shoulda included old guys that got back into it after Dogtown came out!
July 28, 2014 3:25 pm
That’s me, and I’ve got style coming out my ass.
May 30, 2016 5:42 am
What about the old guys who never quit but now have to fit in skate time between their commitments to their career and family. Maybe show the old guys some respect, it might be you in twenty years. I doubt it though.