7 PEOPLE YOU WILL ENCOUNTER AT ANY SKATEPARK

May 6, 2013/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 122

Skater_Headphones

1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon

– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.

skatepark_benchwarmer

2. The Benchwarmer

-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.

SketchBall_Teenager_Jenkem_Smoking_Skatepark2

3. The Sketchball

-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.

ramp tramp

4. The Ramp Tramp

-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.

Skatepark Game Of SKATE

5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.

-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.

skate park kids ramps sliding

6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes

-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.

skatepark_scooter_suck

7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp

-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.

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Comments

  1. mike

    May 19, 2013 7:44 pm

    you forgot the guy in the anti hero hat, short dickies and vans era’s. must have indy trucks, 56mm wheels and an 8.75 anti hero deck. he likes to ollie the shit out of everything and drink pbr. he is the julien stranger wannabe except he will never be. he is most of YOU guys.

  2. Roger

    June 6, 2013 3:36 am

    LOL previous commenter was spot on!!

    Well if theres that guy, then theres also the guy who never comes to the park but you always see him skating down the street. Skates 8.25 with Indy 149s and 55mm wheels. He does lines circling multiple blocks and will only skate cellar doors and ledges into cellar doors. Will skate ridiculously fast to try and do a simple trick over and gap. Thinks he can rip his city like ricky oyola did philly.

  3. jess

    July 19, 2013 2:15 am

    This is soo good!! But I agree you need to add the middle-age guy that does some powerslides and a boneless and then gets tired

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