Let’s face it, if you’re a skateboarder in today’s world, statistics say you’re probably lame. The best selling products, and most popular professionals are almost always the lamest, and why? Because, being a skateboarder, you should know that the world is mostly comprised of morons – morons who greatly outnumber the intelligent. So it’s only natural to go against the grain and appreciate what most can’t comprehend. With that being said; here are the 5 best parts you’ve probably never seen, from 5 skateboarders you probably don’t know, in 5 videos you probably haven’t watched, Lame-o.

5. Wade Speyer – Think – Dedication (1998)

The reason why you’re so lame probably has a lot to do with the fact that Wade Speyer is such a stone-cold bad ass you have no chance. But whatever, watching this part may give you a clue how to ride a skateboard the most bad ass way possible. Wade blasts every air as high as possible, makes sure his wheels squeal on slides, and feels like an extra push is always necessary. You can be the kid who over waxes everything because they don’t go fast enough or you can be like Wade. BE LIKE WADE.

There is so much gnar in this part it’s almost difficult where to start: the opening method should smack you right in your slack-jaw and scream gnar. That didn’t do it? How about the noseslide fakie on the 10’ vert wall? If all else fails, the spined mini ramp run should help cure you of your lame. The front side disaster in that run is the best one ever done, period. You should watch this part every morning to remind yourself that 17 years ago, skateboarding got a pair of double D tits that made it look great. And that was this part.

4. Mike Rusczyk – Foundation – Art Bars: Subtitles and Seagulls (2001)

I totally agree with everyone else on this one, Mike never got a proper career because his name is way too fucking hard to pronounce or spell correctly. But this part is something that needs to be seen. Why? Raw. Power. Very few people skate like this, and when they do it makes you want to dust off you’re old color coordinated Bam Complete from Zumiez and go skate. The song choice, editing, and filming are all so on point. Tricks like pole-jam 50-50 pole-jam 50-50 (yes, 1 trick, he’s that cool) and the ollie from the bank over the large orange stick are proof that simplicity with power and control is all you need.

3. Steve Olson – Shorty’s – Fulfill the Dream (1998)

No, not Alex Olson’s dad. This Steve Olson never helped create an EDM listenin’ big city hipster with daddy issues; and that makes him rad as fuck already. “Steve is a skater that can skate everything” is one of the first things you hear from the Muska in the intro of this part, and it’s an important ability overlooked by a lot of skateboarders (I’m looking at you Nyjah). Steve was ahead of his time, but his part gets overlooked often, probably because he couldn’t keep up with Shorty’s pre-DGK hood image, although he did try. Some notable tricks are the front blunt shove mid-ledge, and the ollie off the roof to boardslide the handrail (eat your heart out Jaws). This video part had it all: style, great tricks, awesome songs, and it totally endorses the use of psychedelics – which I agree with, because it will make you a better person. (No, seriously, look it up…there’s totally studies.)

2. Tim Achille – Vern Laird – Abstract (2000)

Growing up, Tim was the skateshop employee at my local shop that we all heard legends about. We knew he was sponsored, and when you’re a young kid who just started skating anyone who is totally sponsored is a god. Lucky for us, Tim was a rad dude and more modest than necessary. This part is the kitty’s titties with LOVE park annihilation and a trick selection seldom seen (heelflip noseslide fakie anyone?). Unfortunately, Tim never blew up, but it may be a blessing in disguise because some pros just end up building small wooden benches. Instead, Tim is beating cancer and still shredding at 35 with his girlfriend who also shreds too (probably harder than you, lame ass). Give this part the respect it deserves and show it to all your lame friends when they aren’t beating off with a roll of Grizzly grip.

1. Buster Halterman – Planet Earth – Now and Later (1991)

Yep, a vert part is number 1. Why? Because fuck you. Vert skating is a dying art, and no surprise too, because it takes balls of steel that most don’t have. This part could have dropped yesterday and been completely relevant with today’s tricks being done. This is the ultimate skate part, and that’s because it is completely timeless. The tricks, style, music, and editing are all timeless.

Think about most of the lame trash you’re fed on a daily basis, all limited in replay value and all centered around what’s hot right now. (Ask anyone who grew up skating in the early 90’s, it was a very embarrassing time in style…I can’t believe anyone actually got their dick sucked with a pair of 40’ waist shants around their ankles.) Don’t get me wrong, there are some gems in today’s skateboard media, but they’re getting harder and harder to find. Next time you see a video part, question if it’s timeless or just relevant as a flavor of the week (which, for like the past decade has been shit flavor every other week). If you watch Wade’s part every morning, you should watch this part every night just so you can dream about making skateboarding look this good.

Words: Cold Pizza
Original Illustration: Michael Giurato (@jewrato)
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