FOMO is a bitch. It will keep you up at night anxiously scrolling through Instagram. It’ll make you drink even when you don’t want to. And after a week of overanalyzing the legacy of the Baker brand, it made us buy last-minute plane tickets to California to catch the Baker 4 premiere.

If you haven’t seen the video yet (try searching on PornHub), we’ll just say you’re in for a treat. Measuring it against its predecessor is a pointless exercise because the team and brand are different than they were 15 years ago, but going to the premiere we felt like giddy kids lining up for Star Wars Episode 1.

Enjoy the photographic journey of our trip below and then go support your local porn star by donating $1 to their Patreon or whatever they use.

I wonder if Salman Agah was inadvertently responsible for the trend of pro skateboarders pretending to become entrepreneurs as they age out of skating. Of course, Salman is actually a successful small business owner, but aside from him, most skater-started businesses go broke within the first hour.

All sponsored skaters occasionally re-sell skate product when they’re in need of a quick buck. But the real hustle, like John Gardner was demonstrating, is scalping free premiere tickets in front of the theater. 100% margins, baby!

We made our close friend Thea take a photo with Davis Torgerson because they are both from Minneapolis and live in LA but don’t know each other yet. That’s really the only reason why this photo is here.

Shane Heyl has probably aged the best out of all the former Piss Drunx. Now he just looks like a dad ready to pick his kid up from football practice and leave him in the car for a few hours while he visits the strip club. Good on him.

In case you didn’t know, the 4 point rating scale for skate videos goes like this:

1 — So bad people left the premiere early
2 — Pretty good but no one remembers the ender ender
3 — Good enough to bother sending the link to a friend
4 — So good you have to jump up and down on the nearest cop car

It’s only appropriate that directly above Beagle’s head is a framed photo of the word “ASS” in giant, sparkling letters. You know what’s on his mind without even asking.

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with “foo” memes—they’re memes about thuggy looking Latino guys in Southern California—but some people at Jenk HQ are currently addicted to these dumb jokes. Anyway, Sammy is the most down foo in skating.

Dollin is one of the last remaining Piss Drunx that still gets fucked up. We had Chris Nieratko interview him about it in Jenkem Vol 2, where he basically said drinks help him skate. I honestly don’t know if he’s just lying to himself, or if it truly makes him skate “better”.

Later that night we said hi to our friend Luke at the Comedy Store to watch an array of cutting edge and washed-up comedians all make the same two jokes about “cancel culture.” But that’s the golden rule of comedy: if they didn’t laugh the first time, just try saying it again louder.

The next day we stuck around and went skating with T-Funk, who arguably had the best part in the entire video. Ian’s been (slowly) getting better at using his dinky little film camera and this is one of the better shots he’s developed. Not bad.

You know those “visit California” ads with Arnold Schlongenegger hanging with seagulls on a yacht? I think a photo like this presents a much better argument for moving to the west coast.

Filming skating is a lot like wiping your ass. If you don’t see blood, you’re not doing it hard enough.

The biggest difference between east coast and west coast skate crews is that west coast crews always bring at least one dog on the sesh. Shoutout to T-Funk, The Pedlow skate crew and Bakerboys for having us this wknd! Baker Baker Baker!

Photos by: Ian Michna
Half-baked captions by: Krusty Karl
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